oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
