He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
