So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
