there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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