Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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