He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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