You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
