I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
