yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
