...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
