She's JV to your varsity
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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