slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
