do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
