So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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