So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
