Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
