Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize