I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
one might say we're banned from that church
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
