Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
