do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
