I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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