my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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