Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
