So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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