I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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