come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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