Your face is a jimmy john
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
