Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
