Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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