So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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