Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
