I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
