He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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