I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
pray to the hookup gods
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
