if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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