totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is wine microwaveable?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
