Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
