I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
