Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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