It's Friday. Sex?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
