Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she smelled like a LAN party
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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