he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
