My first STD was from a foam party
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
