Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
