dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
