oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
