i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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