Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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