i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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