Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
