dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
