Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
