I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
