I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
