Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
