Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
