So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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