too bad you live with your parents still
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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