I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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