I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
