what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
