no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're a waste of cheezeits
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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