she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
