Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
