i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
