So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
