it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
