Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
