I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
