Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
