The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
