So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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