Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
