You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
